Thursday, December 5, 2013

14: thinking out loud: Cultivating for What?

I'm speaking just from my limited experience in the field, but it seems to me that a lot of 英会話 have no definite focus for their kids classes. This is in contrast to, say, a dance school or a piano school or a karate dojo where, in addition to studying and practicing regularly, students also occasionally prepare for performances or recitals or tournaments. I remember this lingering problem from time to time and it usually results in me throwing out a lot of lesson plans or schedules because I start to feel they're too vague.

The question is what are you preparing the students for? Ballet schools are preparing their students to do well in ballet competitions and, perhaps eventually, to become professional ballerinas. Music schools have the same goal--but what about 英会話? For adults the training is obvious: they are there to learn how to communicate in English or improve an aspect of their communicative abilities (as in a business English course). But what are children being prepared for in 英会話?

Not much, it seems like. There are a few project-based schools or -themed lessons that I know of that I'll detail below, but the majority of what I've seen or taught to kids in 英会話 or even in public schools has been generalized to the point where something like this can happen:

"Okay, we've got two volumes of Hyper Listening to get through, so let's spend the first 15 or 20 minutes of each class on this book, then we can do the conversation textbook for the rest of class."
"Fifteen minutes of listening quizzes every class? Won't that be a bit demotivating?"
"Well, 60% of their grade is based off a listening test at the end of the term, so we've got to study it."
"60% of their English Conversation grade is based off of a CD listening test? Sorry, I know I'm new here, but what is the goal of this class?"
"... Goal. ..."
(A conversation between me and one of the senior English teachers at school, early April 2013. The teacher responded to my last question with a bit of wide-eyed exasperation. I dropped the subject.)

I'm not a total anarchist, though. I think for very young kids--pre-schoolers and Kindergarteners--spending most of the time learning simple words and spending time around English is probably the best use of the students' time. Certainly elementary school students and above also need time to just be around English, but at that point you really ought to throw something else into the mix. JHS and HS classes are communicative because the students are studying English grammar in Japanese during the day, so they have some basis on which they can build sentences and conversations. With elementary kids it's a different ballgame, though.

Elementary kids don't study English grammar explicitly--and in Japan at least, elementary-level English education in the public school sector is game-based. It's a great idea for building confidence, and the classes are a lot of fun, besides, but I'm not sure of the long-term benefit to their communication skills. The current situation is that, gifted in English or not--fluent in english or not--all kids in the Japanese school system are put through the grammar grinder in junior high and high school. If they don't sit through the lectures, do the homework, and pass the tests, their records indicate that they're not proficient in English--which can affect their chances of getting into a good high school or university when the time comes.

Back to the main point, though--what are we preparing elementary-aged 英会話 students for? Shall we just play games forever with no overarching goal? Shall we never push kids this age to work towards something with their English?

I think there's room to. There's this school based in Tokyo called MLS. Apparently it's the 英会話 that Ken Watanabe goes to, but its main focus is kids lessons that culminate yearly in a play recital. All the kids from all the classes get up on stage and perform a play in English that they've been practicing since about the middle of the school year. I've only ever interviewed for the company so I can't say for certain how focusing on drama affects the kids' English abilities in the long run, but theoretically it sounds like a good idea.

There must be other types of projects to work towards, too. I have a friend teaching in an elementary school north of Tokyo who is probably one of the best in his field in the whole country. He gets his 6th graders to teach an EFL class in English to the first graders once per year. It's a really difficult project--sometimes tear-inducing--but when the kids pull it off their sense of accomplishment goes off the charts. Their teacher has made them prove a point that they can never again honestly deny--they can speak English if they work at it; they can communicate in it and work hard to create something using it (in this case a fun class for their youngest schoolmates).

We're on a textbook break at my high school now while we adapt and perform plays in English. At first most of the kids worked very slowly or not at all on their scripts, and almost no one did their homework. But this week as we're wrapping up our in-class rehearsals I'm noticing that most of the groups are having a good time rehearsing, and they're making creative directorial decisions in order to make their plays better. I've read academic papers supporting independent work and projects over the traditional textbook fare, and even though I already agreed with it in spirit I'm starting to get a feel for the process. Kids, being people, aren't necessarily going to be gung-ho about a project just because it's different from what you normally do in school--but giving them the time and space (and occasionally the gentle shove) to get used to the idea and let their imaginations wander, a lot of them end up enjoying it.

With that in mind I reckon I want to implement some yearly or biannual project for the kids next year...but what to do, what to do. Drama's an option, or some kind of group-communication project... For older kids, from maybe fifth or sixth grade, a penpal project might be a good idea. I tried that last year with mixed results. My friend's teaching project is genius, but it would be difficult to adapt at a private school and, besides, I'm not half the teacher my friend is.

Other ideas:
  • musical
  • pageant
  • speeches (excerpts from famous ones, not self-written)
  • Show&Tell
  • debate
In an ideal world, I'd like to encourage students from 英会話 around the city where we'll be based to join some kind of annual thing. It needn't even be a competition (the city has one of those already), just a celebration of international...ness? Kids working together to chant tongue-twisters, recite famous speeches, sing songs, and show off things they made. A TED conference for kids, just sharing information and performing and having a good time doing it. But that dream's a bit far away at the moment; for now I just want to create a system where my kids can feel proud of their English accomplishments, and in order to do that I need to make some accomplishments to work towards.

If anyone out there has any other ideas for projects, I'd love to hear them!

Monday, December 2, 2013

13: 英語2.0: English-Attack.com

I stumbled across this yesterday. This was a big find; I didn't think anybody had made this yet; with licensing rights and the wide variety of programming skills needed, I didn't even think a site like this was practically possible.

"Well this is a game changer and no mistake," said Sam.

In a word, it's a homework website that redefines homework. It's an interactive media website that teaches and reinforces English through popular English media (movies, news), not contrived role-plays and games. It's an Amazing Pneumatic One-of-a-Kind Believe-It-or-Not Independent-izing Interest-Making Attention-Honing EFL Machine.

I think it might be a Thneed. And you know who needs thneeds.

I'm going to give it a close inspection after work today to test its user-friendliness and see how well it stays relevant and interesting over the course of it's perscribed 10-30-minute daily session. I'll test it on the iPad, on the iPhone, and on the PC. And then I'll test it on the wife: if she likes it, I might have just struck gold after all.

It'll be years until I'm able to pull something like this off for my students--if I'm able to pull it off ever. Apparently the guys behind this site have lots of experience in media companies, so they know how to go about acquiring licenses and rights and whatnot. But jeez, if I can figure out a doable way to adapt this idea on a small, Japan-centric scale for my own school's needs (including elementary & pre-elementary students, and adults learning business English), I'll...I don't even know. This is some Super Saiyan 2-level stuff right here.

One thing's for sure [eye-glint as I pivot epically toward the camera]: it's definitely the direction that EFL education is going if we're to be serious about the 21st century. And I aim to be quite serious.

If anyone out there knows of similar interactive sites, let me know! I'm scouring the Internet for better alternatives to traditional writing drill homework textbooks.

Sunday, November 24, 2013

12: thinking out loud on EFL video lessons

I've never been terribly efficient at using Google, but I usually eventually can find what I'm looking for. Not so with good EFL websites. It seems that good EFL journals exist, and there are some competent EFL websites, but the thing I have never been able to find is an example of a good EFL video lesson.

This is important because it seems that online education is going to be a Big Thing in this 21st century of ours. Khan Academy officially kicked things off several years ago with math and science videos. Nowadays you can find educational videos on just about any subject from dancing to how to think artistically about mathematics to crash courses on history, literature, and science.

You can also find EFL videos out there, but I haven't been able to find anything out there that's impressive. (If there's a reader out there who knows, please link me to something good if you would.)

So far the material I've seen has been a series of virtual copies (literally and figuratively) of the classroom experience, right down to a teacher standing between a stationary student (bound in place by the stationary camera) and a whiteboard. There's no physicality to the videos, nothing interactive or even interesting about these lessons. I think there will eventually be interesting EFL videos produced, but in this min-era before that happens I think there's probably a lot of doubt even if interesting interactive content can be produced in a video whose student base can neither listen or speak very smoothly.

EFL videos are necessarily different from ESL videos. ESL students live in countries where people speak English. Even if there immediate neighborhood isn't an English-speaking community, they should be able to experience people speaking English on a daily basis. ESL videos are, in other words, just videos. They watch TV and study a bit and their brain pieces the information together with stuff they absorb in their day-to-day lives. EFL students, on the other hand, are for the most part, except for multimedia outlets, cut off from an English speaking world.

I think it must be possible. I mean, everything's possible, right? It's just got to be worked at until it's figured out. I'm working on it presently, and so here are some notes I have towards what an interesting EFL video would look like:
  1. Whereas most educational videos are rational and artistic/interesting, a good EFL video lesson has got to be patterned and artistic/interesting, because the majority of the student base can't understand rambling, no matter how intelligent.
  2. Rambling might be useful for students' listening, though, since it is very common in typical conversation but hardly ever seen in the movies or music students get most of their English exposure from. So there probably should be rambling, but it's got to be controlled and for the students benefit. It's got to be intentional rambling, set up so that over the course of a course students could get used to the teacher's style of ramble and be able to follow him through it.
  3. Speaking of which, lessons should probably not be self-contained. Students can access information on grammar points or common phrases freely using online dictionaries or the textbooks that they likely already own. Since the only practical information self-contained videos offer are these kinds of disconnected bits of trivia, it would be best to avoid them in favor of strings of lessons that build not a point of knowledge, but rather a skill. Most Japanese students of English know very well how to give their name and ask someone how they're feeling, but very few of them can smoothly start and end such a conversation in a friendly manner. The videos should strive to fix communicative shortcomings like that.
  4. I don't know about EFL students, but as a JSL student I have a hell of a time reading anything more complex than manga or business letters. It might be worthwhile to do a chain of lessons analyzing a piece of poetry, or a prose style, or even just a very beautiful albeit complex sentence, slowly breaking the English down into bits and pieces and, at the end, putting it back together again. Hopefully this would, after several examples, teach students how to feel their way through a piece of prose more methodically and masterfully than they had been able to do before. (In fact you know what, if you're fluent in Japanese and want me to subscribe to your YouTube channel, you might make a few videos to help me get through a 村上春樹 book. ;)
  5. Unless you're absolutely awesome, nobody wants to sit through ten or more minutes of you talking, especially if they're there to study. Short, 3~7-minute videos have become popular with vloggers like #zefrank and the #vlogbrothers, but they cut their total time down by becoming information-dense and cutting out all their breaths. This isn't as easily done in an EFL video lesson, but it shouldn't be impossible (see #2). Or we could attack the problem from a different angle: instead of making the videos short by cutting out all the pesky breaths and talking really fast, we might instead rely on rigidity of structure and scripting, so that the students can quickly understand where we are in an episode and generally what we'll be talking about. This is what typical TV shows do, and even well-produced vlogs like Crash Course. (Maybe it seems obvious to point stuff like this out, but unless you draw the lines where you've been you might not know which direction to go. We be not meddling with these ideas in a small room, but rather in the vastness of the whole of imagination, laddies and ladies.)
  6. Accents are kind of a political dividing line in the world of second language acquisition. Opinions are wild and wide here: there are people who think adopting a more native-sounding accent at all is tantamount to throwing the shiny god-seed that is Your True Self under the bus of Mere Progress. There are others who think that the accent bestowed upon them by their mother tongue makes them, them, more than any other colony of human on the face of the earth, inept speakers of English.
       Well, those opinions are both extreme and silly, but the problem remains that accents are a significant source of anxiety for EFL students, and this anxiety is only outmatched in scale by the lengths to which EFL students will go to not properly fix the problem for themselves.
       I should clarify my own opinion on the issue: there are no proper or improper accents in the same way that there is no proper or improper way of sitting in a chair. Some people (usually teachers or parents) will get very passionate indeed if they see someone over which they have power sitting in a wrong way, but it is my unreserved opinion that there have in the history of the human race been terribly intelligent, hardworking people who changed the world for the better who also happened to slouch or cross their legs. There is no proper way to sit...but there are ways to sit which would make things easier for your body in the long run. Those ways of sitting also tend to be really difficult to maintain for long periods of time, which leads to slouching, leg-crossing, etc. Actually, the best bet is just not to sit for too long...says I, slouching here at my desk for the last 80 minutes or so.
       Accents are essentially the same. There is a common way to speak in your neighborhood and over time people generally fall into the same patterns. It's like birdsong, but with a kerjillion more sound-pattern possibilities. If you're trying to learn a new pattern, though, your tongue will have a hard time jiving at first. For the people who work at their accent, many of them give up after becoming "good enough." That's fine in general, but for businesspeople, actors, or anyone who has to deal with customers in a foreign language, it would benefit them to work more on sounding like All the Other Folk. There are conformity benefits to this, socially speaking, but for the purposes of EFL, accent training trains not just your tongue, but also your ear and your mind. If you can speak English like an Australian, you're not likely to find the Australian accent (which makes today sound like to die and makes Japanese and Chinese EFL students giggle endlessly) very challenging anymore. It's also a confidence booster: the more quickly I can move my tongue to speak Japanese, the faster I can read; the faster I can read, the faster I can sing at Japanese karaoke; the faster I can sing at Japanese karaoke, the happier boy I be.
       So: shadowing and repetition would also be a good bit of thing to incorporate into an EFL video lesson course. Again, the method needs to be considered: saying a sentence and then staring at the screen, waiting for an invisible student to repeat you is creepy. It's creepy when Dora the Explorer does it and it would be even creepier when you do it: so think of something better.
That's all for now, I think. If anyone interested in EFL teaching is reading this I'd be happy to hear from you. Do you have any other ideas? Have you ever seen a decent EFL video lesson? Let me know.

Wednesday, November 13, 2013

11: A Sisyphean Grammar

I just perused the textbook closet for the English department here at school. Here’s what I found:
  • Every textbook marked “English Communication Course” was actually just a reading course with a small bit of writing attached at the end of each 5-part chapter.
  • The grammar textbooks all used the same abbreviations: S, V, O, and C to show the grammar patterns of English. I could identify 主語 (S, subject), 動詞 (V, verb), and 目的語 (O, object), but I don’t remember ever learning about 補語 (C, complement).
  • If the grammar textbooks were battleships, they would be fearsomely well armed. They would not, however, float.
  • Because these grammar textbooks are filled to the brim with bits and bytes of grammar information, which the teacher is required to take into his or her beak, swallow and partially digest, and then regurgitate into the brains of his or her students.
  • The teacher is required to do this because the students are in high school for primarily two reasons, which are in order:
    1. To learn enough bits of information to pass periodic examinations culminating in the college entrance examination of the student’s choice, and
    2. To prepare the students to be mature, functioning adults.
  • The first requirement is satisfied by class, the second is satisfied by discipline in class and club activities.
  • (That’s overly simplistic and unfair, but this is a microblog not a book, so there.)
  • What is missing here is play. The students are sat down at the beginning of the year and set upload as many grammar rocks into their solid-state brains as time allows for. And after this ball gets rolling, the teachers are up to their necks in writing tests, correcting homework, and coaching their respective sports teams or clubs to make time to innovate.
  • And so the bland process continues until, occasionally, a teacher as a great idea that they manage to implement.
  • For myself, I’d like to approach things like my gym teacher used to do: give us the balls first and let us play around—afterwards there would be time for the teaching of technical details and the testing of specific skills. It might be a worthwhile idea to throw kids into the so-called “deep end” of untethered communication, and only afterward settle down and teach them the reasons they’re saying what they’re saying.
  • That might be considered madness in some circles. I mean, how can a student really know what they’re saying in a language they’ve never spoken before unless it’s taught to them specifically and in logical, laid-out stages?
  • We all learned our mother tongue this way, so I’d say it’s worth a shot. It would be incredibly difficult to plan a class around this method, but incorporating a few ideas here and there might be just the thing to restore a bit of fun (and the resultant motivation) into EFL classes around the country.

Monday, November 11, 2013

10: November 1913

So think about this: If it were 100 years ago today instead of 100 years from now a hundred years ago today (?_?), this would be our frame of reference:
Things that had just happened within the last five years:
Within the next year World War I would begin, kicking off for what many would consider to be one of the defining opening moments of the 20th century. From this year on major events are widely covered in middle and high school history textbooks, so let's focus in on just advancements that have had a direct or lasting impact on education:
  • In 1920 commercial radio got its start.
  • In 1923 "talking movies" debuted.
  • In 1928 the first Oxford English Dictionary was published.
  • And so was sliced bread...which has defined school lunch for millions ever since.
  • In 1942 t-shirts went on sale for the first time.
  • And in 1944 ballpoint pens did.
  • In 1945 ENIAC was built. (This is after the Manhattan project produced the first nuclear bomb, mind.)
  • In 1951 TV became color.
  • 1971: VCRs
  • 1972: pocket calculators
  • In 1975 Microsoft was founded.
  • 1979: Sony Walkman
  • 1993: The Internet becomes big.
  • 2003: Myspace makes social networks important.
  • 2007: iPhone launches the smartphone market.
  • 2010: iPad launches the tablet market.
I took these factoids nearly at random from About.com's 20th century timeline. I'm sure there are lots of important education historical landmarks that aren't listed here--
  • When did the modern backpack come into style?
  • Or easily tearable notebook paper?
  • And whiteboards?
  • And non-one-room schoolhouses?
  • And textbook corporations?
  • And standardized tests?
  • And the first irrational political panic-laced push towards more standardized testing?
  • etc.
--but the pattern I noticed here is that, technology-wise, a lot of the things that we take for granted wrt learning (especially self-directed learning) came about in the past century. If you think about 19th century education, you (or at least I) imagine one-room schoolhouses on pristine hills in very sparsely populated towns.When I think 20th century I think graded public schools and the introducing of technology to the classroom--or even more, the educational effect of technology at home.
We learn a lot (good and bad) from TV; there are tons of good educational programs on the radio (and via the radio-esque podcast); and only very recently has the Internet, social networking, and portable access to both become a reality. We're only just starting out here in the 21st century. In a hundred years' time, people might consider these past 13 or so opening years of the 2000s cultural relics of the 20th century, with the 21st century only coming into its own later (hopefully not, this time, through the gates of a major war). Is it likely that our current, much maligned public systems of education will dissolve into or be greatly changed as time trudges forward? I think so.
I'm not sure what's coming, but it's exciting to think that despite all the innovation we've been seeing the past 15 years, we're still quite unaware of what kind of thing we're holding. With 21st education, we're really just getting started.

Sunday, September 15, 2013

9: Inglourious Basterds review



Writing the megalithic Gantz review yesterday reminds me that I wrote a review for Inglourious Basterds a few years ago that a handful of people really seemed to enjoy. I don't have the file on my computer anymore, so here, for posterity's sake, is a link to the article on Helium.com.

http://www.helium.com/items/1768513-inglourious-basterds-propaganda

Spoiler alert: Tarantino shows us that, deep down, we're no better than they were.

8: GANTZ




Well, GANTZ is finished. It took 13 years, 37 volumes, and, apparently, the very last drop of patience from creator Hiroya Oku.

Here's a review of the series. Spoiler alert: I end up recommending it anyway despite its flaws. Everything except the last volume. For that, I recommend you buy a sketchpad and finish the story yourself.

Gantz (I'll stop shouting now), was an action series thought up by Oku in high school. He apparently had very specific influences that caused him to come up with this story, but I'm going to go with my intuition and suggest that he played the NES a lot as a kid and really, really wanted to see how Nintendo-based physics would play out in the real world.

Exhibit A: Aliens that look like dinosaurs that shoot fireballs out of their mouths.
Also, he was in high school when he thought up the story, so lots of high school boy-esque sexual fantasies played out in real life. And then there's stuff like this:
Good luck, fella.
Actually, the series worked really well in parts. At first I didn't like it; I thought it was nihilistic and didn't want to support a piece of art that thought humanity as a whole was a piece of shit. I'm not entirely sure that Oku thinks that now, but I'm still not convinced one way or the other. At any rate, one Christmas holiday I got myself hooked back on the series and ended up breezing through some 20+ volumes over the course of a couple of weeks.

So here we go: Kurono Kei (玄野計) is an asshole high schooler, who, along with his much nicer, much more heroic friend from elementary school Kato Masaru (加藤勝), get themselves run over while helping a drunk who's fallen onto the subway tracks under Tokyo. They wake up in a strange room with a strange black sphere and a handful of other apparently recently deceased people, none of whom are quite aware of what the dilly is.

The ball (also known as the plot, also known as GANTZ) sends randomly chosen recently deceased people on "missions" to kill certain monsters. GANTZ provides a bunch of sci-fi weaponry to get the job done, and a little sci-fi insurance (by way of a little bomb implanted in everyone's brains) to make sure the involuntarily recruited recruits perform their duties. If they die during the mission, they're dead-dead, but if they only get injured their injuries are healed at the end of the mission. Just like in Mario, minus the extra lives.

For the first half of the series, the members of these teams and the monsters they fight are invisible, though the damage they cause to the areas they're sent to is permanent. Later on they become visible and widely known to the public, which gives Oku a bunch of chances to show how little he thinks of humanity at large, what with their Internet-based bickering, paranoid finger-pointing, and the like.

Anyways, that's the plot, and it's pretty standard throughout the series. The thing that kept me coming back, though, was the characters. Kei is very unlikeable in the beginning of the series, and he remains unlikeable for a long time. (Maybe not so long? I was reading it in Japanese, which makes any amount of pages seem longer than they would otherwise.) Kei starts out trying to one-up Masaru, but he can't because Masaru is a good guy, and good at what he does. Also, girls like him more, which pisses Kei off. This play between their two very different personalities in these seemingly random life-or-death situations makes for great reading, especially given the weird turns the series takes in later volumes.

I don't want to understate this last point: putting people in life-or-death situations is pretty much the job description of most creative people in Hollywood. This series isn't high literature by any means, but Oku makes a really jerky kid come into his own in a way that doesn't, until the last volume of the series, feel forced. There is Japanese melodrama at play here ("I'll never forget you...!!" "I will return!!"など), but despite that he managed to make Kurono Kei's psychological development realistic and really entertaining in the context of the story.

And that's what it's all about, people.

Kei and Masaru aren't the only two characters of interest, of course. There are new characters with each new mission, and this was really one of Oku's strong points: he built a series that required a lot of Star Trek-esque throwaway good guys, and did a pretty good job of making us actually like those good guys most of the time before he got them kilt in really vicious ways.

Gantz has a bunch of loose ends that, if Oku had had the time (he didn't), he could have expanded the story even more to explore and wrap up a handful of plot points, but due to his need to put out around a dozen pages per week in Young Jump, some potentially very interesting character development was sacrificed in the name of titties and 'sploded heads. Alas, 'tis a problem American comics and Hollywood movies have suffered from for decades now. If only the French were interested in paying Oku to take his time and flesh out the series properly, we might have had an action-manga epic to take the 青年 title of A Perfect Representative Story. (I like to do this with movies. Other examples of PRSs include Dragonball for 少年 manga, Watchmen or Flex Mentallo for superhero comics, or Before Sunrise for romance movies.)

In hindsight, the series culminates with the penultimate storyline that takes place in Osaka (which doesn't feature Kei at all, come to think of it). The last story arc, Katastrophe, had so much potential that  it seems to have scared the piss out of Oku himself who wrapped up in 10 volumes a storyline that could have lasted twice that, if not longer.

And now for a heartier breakdown of Katastrophe, replete with spoilers.

Katastrophe is the codename for an apocalyptic event foreseen by the organization behind GANTZ. A race of humanoid, intelligent aliens invades planet Earth to mine it (and us) for resources.

That's the plot: the plot is genius. Here's why.

Up until now the Gantz teams around the world have been given apparently random missions to annihilate monsters--which we later find out are actually aliens--for seemingly no purpose other than the challenge of staying alive and earning points to either leave the game or level up. Now it's revealed to us that the Gantz technology was given to humanity by an extremely advanced, godlike alien race in order to prepare us for the invasion of the Katastrophe race--a race very much like humans, but...bigger:

The very first monster killed by the Gantz team was a ネギ性 child. The team members had no idea what was going on, except they knew that if they didn't kill this kid, there'd be trouble. So they killed it, and it was awful and nihilistic. Then the ネギ性 dad shows up and kills most everyone, and we as readers are kind of rooting for the dad because, you know, these random guys just showed up at his door and blew his boy into a bloody pulp. Even the dad's eventual death is sad: he's crying and staring defiantly at Masaru, who knows he's being an asshole as he blows the innocent alien's head off his shoulders.

This theme is repeated in a number of different ways throughout the series. My personal favorite is when the team gets sent into the Buddhist temple to clean house. They slay a bunch of statue-monsters, but then they get put up against the Last Boss (ラスボス), who in the space of a few pages kills a bunch of really likable main characters and cuts the legs off of Kurono Kei, who loses all hope and begs for Kato Masaru to kill him before the monster does. Kato, in the final battle with this monster, begs to be let alone with his friends, but the monster says "Why? You're the one who came to our house and started shooting at us. Now we're all dead except me. No, I'm going to kill you."

--And you get this feeling that yeah, even though we as readers like Kato and Kurono, they deserve to die. They're the bad guys here, and the only reason we're rooting for them is because the narrative follows them, not the aliens.

But the aliens didn't do anything. The Gantz teams aren't like the Ghostbusters who show up only when there's a problem. They're not even like the X-Men, who save the world from evil but the world doesn't thank them for it. The Gantz teams are the bad guys; they're forced into it, to be sure, but to save their own lives they have to go out and kill aliens that were up until they were marked for termination making no problems for nobody. I don't know if Oku was trying to make an elaborate "Nazis were just normal people caught up in a situation beyond their control" kind of metaphor, but it is perhaps telling that the Gantz factory and the godlike alien race's avatar were in Germany.

Speculation aside: Katastrophe throws all this on its head. With Osaka being the last "normal type" mission (and after the killcrazy bonus round in Rome), the Gantz teams are transformed from mercenaries into proper soldiers, gathered by the mysterious organization in charge to execute missions against the invading giants. These giants are now in the position the Gantz teams were in before: they're just doing their job and don't want any trouble. They're an advanced civilization whose home planet has long ago ran out of natural resources; now they travel the galaxy looking for life-rich planets in order to refuel and keep from going extinct. The human race is no threat to them, and shortly after their dramatic arrival they begin harvesting us for food.

This is really exciting. I mean, most people don't have the balls for something like that. You get the idea that not only was this saga well named, but that Oku's whole plan is to end the world--and the series--on a bang, and potentially even a hopeless ending. I know I said I hated nihilistic literature before, but this would be different. This would be a sci-fi epic about humans arrogantly snuffing out life forms that they have no clear interest in or understanding of, and then being wiped out by a life form that has no interest in or understanding of us. That's not nihilism, that's irony. And really good irony at that.

But alas, he wasn't and he didn't, and that's sad. The only thing more disappointing than not ending the series on a things-will-never-be-the-same-ha-HA note was the way he actually ended it, but we'll get to that later. First, a synopsis of the major plot points:

Basically, the aliens invade, Tokyo and everywhere else are decimated, the American military (and probably all the other ones, too) is wiped out, and before the end of a single day one might guess that fully half of the population of cities around the world has been killed. Aliens start herding the remaining humans into cages to be cleaned, killed, and made into food. A handful of Gantz people make it into some of these cages and, escaping the neutralization station in the alien ship, make their way with a number of rescued humans into other areas of the ship. They find a very normal looking city inside, full of normal looking (albeit giant, alien) people. These people are shopping, eating at cafes, hunting stray humans for sport--living a normal life. From there the plot splits into a number of branches, following the split-up Gantz members through their many hijinks in the giant city above Tokyo. People die, people cry, and there are volumes and volumes of Kei chasing after his girlfriend Tae.

I don't know about anyone else, but this was always the part about Katastrophe that I looked most forward to reading. That, and Kei #2's relationship with Leika. An unfortunate side-effect of these plotlines was that there was almost no time to devote to the rest of the supporting cast, who were killed off randomly or embarrassingly swept to the sidelines. This was especially sad with regards to Kato, the hero of Osaka, since we had spent most of the series getting to like him and Kei equally. Again, if Oku had had more time and had been in less of an obvious rush to finish the series there would have been more space to give Kato a plotline of his own so that, by the climactic battle, we would give a damn about his decision to enter the fray.

And that, I think, brings me to volume 37: the Big Fart.

Briefly, the plot leading up to this final volume was as follows: during a so-called final mission, the Gantz team members were given ginormous walking ships that rivaled the giants' own walking ships. They were pointed in the direction of a big column and told to blow it up. Kei got so far as to damage it, but then Tae, his lady love, convinced him to give up on account of not wanting to destroy the entire race. After this the two of them go home, on the way realizing that the giant mothership has begun to retreat, leaving many Gantz members stranded on the ship, increasingly further away from Earth.

In another area of the ship, Kato and Kei#2 are transported to a room (I like to call it, "The Room of Tied-Up Loose Ends") with about as much plot structure as The Room, where they meet a faceless, infinitely faced being who explains the whole backstory to them, and apparently solves the mystery of why that one random German guy ten volumes previous had godlike powers. This godlike being also tells everyone that there's no god, except there is a soul, and reincarnation exists, so like, no worries. (Ballsless, Oku. Ballsless.)

Back to reality, Kato's group gets transported back to the giant alien ship, find out they're in orbit, panic, and find one last Gantz ball that's working to transport everyone back to Earth. As they're queuing up, they watch the American team take on big giant soldiers one by one, slaying them with apparent ease. Apparent until the big white leader-looking one that has been pestering everyone for the past nine or so volumes decides to step into the fray. Cue end of volume 36.

Now, despite the occasional plot hole, inexplicable loose end, or hurried ending to a plotline, there was a lot of potential leading into volume 37. I didn't know beforehand that it would be the final volume of the entire series; I can't imagine anyone that did know was comforted. Here's what I was expecting to happen, in a vague open-ended kind of way:

  • the last boss fight would happen between the Big White Giant and the remaining several dozen Gantz members, including and especially the Tokyo team
  • Kei and Tae would be watching the whole thing from Tokyo, very sad since during the course of the fight most of the Tokyo team would be killed, probably including Kato
  • eventually (after two or three volumes) the big guy would go down, but would probably not be killed
  • through a mutual, warrior-like agreement, the aliens would continue their retreat and the Gantz members that remained (including maybe a few sidelined Tokyo characters) would be transported back home
  • and then, maybe by volume 39 or 40, there would be a few chapters of falling action, showing how the world was left after the Katastrophe and how our principal characters start their new lives, Gantzless.
  • ZE ENT.
This, however, is what we got:

  • The big white giant (let's call him the last boss) kills a few members of the American team, and in response the whole bloodthirsty, highly skilled American team surround him in an effort to take him down as a unit. He's surrounded and definitely fucked.
  • The camera pans to Tokyo and New York City, showing the faces of the people watching the fight on TV.
  • The camera pans back, where, get this, the whole American team has been dispatched.
    • (This is a technique known as fucking around. Oku used it because he had no idea how to realistically show the giant getting out of that situation.)
  • Then the boss starts calling out Kurono Kei's name, explaining that his race is beat, and that their only other option is to crash their mother ship into Earth. They'd do it unless Kei came and beat the last boss by himself.
    • (This is not their only option. They could just leave. It had been explained earlier by the godlike alien that the giants had been turned away from their planet, so retreat, it would seem, is an option for these people.)
  • Kei goes to fight the last boss and--get this--beats him.
    • Despite being demonstrably less experienced and less skilled than almost everyone else in the room.
    • Despite being alone and with no weapons.
    • But--but--he had heart. You see, he promised his girlfriend he'd be back.
There were two or three panels when the Last Boss looks really surprised that Kei managed to land a hit on him. You're not the only one, buddy.

After the last boss is killed, Kei asks the lone remaining giant warrior to stop the war and to leave. Instead of leaving, he kills himself.

And then the ship explodes and Kurono and Kato escape in windowless Gantz bike-ships, even though they're in deep space.

(The falling action so far is like the end of the first Metroid game, except in Metroid you have to escape by going up, not down, and the exploding facility upon the death of the last boss makes sense, not no-sense.)

And then--literally on the next page--they're floating in the ocean "two days later," talking about how they're about to die.

And then--again, on the following page--they wash up on a beach where a bunch of people are shouting "Thank you!!" They collapse in their girlfriend's (Kei) and brother's (Masaru) arms.

THE END.

That's right: Hiroya Oku somehow managed to make a fall to Earth from space happen faster than your average reader could conceivably appreciate that the falling action of the story had even started. It broke speed records, but it really sucked.

The overriding feeling from the whole last volume was that the whole time he was drawing it, Oku was thinking, Jesus, I really want to be finished with this damn comic already. Unfortunately, he got his wish, but he sort of ensured that I won't ever read anything from him ever again. A story's value isn't cumulatively contained in its ending, but this was such a bad ending that it borders on professional irresponsibility. I appreciate all the good points of Gantz, and I still recommend the series up until the end of the Osaka saga to anyone, but Katastrophe is a perfect example of a project that became too big and too unwieldy for an artist, who eventually lost interest and blew through to the end, probably for contractual reasons. Joe Madureira did the same thing with Battle Chasers, except that he didn't make it a dozen issues before he threw in the towel--and he had an entire creative team behind him to get most of the post-production work done.

In the end, Gantz was a filthy, fun sci-fi epic with a handful of really memorable characters who at various times throughout the series were underutilized or ignored, probably due to time budgets more than any creative lull on the part of the creator. The final story arc, even though it was something like 2000 pages, was rushed into absurdity over the final few volumes. If you want to give the series a try I recommend it, but maybe stop at volume 34 and just imagine yourself an ending. It's better than living with the stain of volume 37 on your conscience.